I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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