the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
