I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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