I didn't shave. On purpose
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
