I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
