I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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