remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
