OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize