how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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