he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
