Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My cat gives me a boner
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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