im drinking this country out of the recession.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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