Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
