Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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