I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
