I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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