wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This is my gift to your gina
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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