my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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