An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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