he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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