wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just forgot I was standing up.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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