i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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