What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
