that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
