There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
