I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
