What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
