I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
