i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
soo... how was my night?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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