R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
