ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize