so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
