so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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