Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
