Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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