I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Randomize
