as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
