Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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