I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
