i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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