The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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