Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
