he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize