she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
