she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
