Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
