I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
