This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize