She's JV to your varsity
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
