I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I love how my cats smell like pot.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
