The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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