JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
