I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
