I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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