when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
