it wasn't lemon gatorade
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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