I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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