You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
