Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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