I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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