Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
