just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize