so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
