PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
