i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
