do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
