I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize