I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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